Journals of the Forgotten
by mikeyXmoosh
Summary: After L's death, a girl with no recollection of her past shows up at the headquarters with the intent of catching Kira.  But what happens when Mello, Matt, and Near realize there is more to this girl then meets the eye?  Near x OC  WARNING: very AU
1. Chapter 1

Okay so just a few notes, before we start. I know no one ever reads these things (the author comments), but there are some things i need to say.

1) Honest reviews are welcome.

2) I do not own Death Note, or any of its charaters. I do own this story, and i do own Selene and her past. This is the first and last time i will say this.

3) I know this story is very different then the mangas. The characters might get out of, well, character at points, but deal with me. I'm trying to keep this as real as possible. The only thing i really changed is the fact that Mello, Near, and Matt work together in the same place, and they obviously aren't dead.

4) I don't like describing what characters look like or are wearing so they are open to look however you want to make them. So be creative with Selene. I would show you how I prefer her to look, to give you an idea or something, but for some reason you can not have url codes on here...

5) Lastly, this is my first fanfic, so... yeah. Enjoy and thanks for reading!! (So sorry for rambling :D)

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Journal 1-

A journal? Yeah, I suppose that most who know me would assume that I would not be the type to keep a journal. I guess they would be right. But then again… not many people I know know me. A journal is an adolescent way to express emotions. I am far from adolescent. I am only fourteen however I am not permitted to display childish actions. But that is besides the point.

My name is…. well I cannot say. It is not because of a fear of Kira. No, it is simply because I have no past- or no recollection of it at least. But they call me Selene. I cannot recall anything before my eighth birthday. Well, anything about my past. They say they found me sinking into the depths of the Tyne river in England. "How long was I afloat? Why did I not drown? Why did I lose all my memory? _Who am I_?" Everyone at the orphanage wondered this at one point or another. Some would even say I wasn't drowning into the darkness, but rising from it. I guess they thought I was a hell child because I was always so secluded. "She even has hair of the devil," Johnny Applegate would always tease. Yes, you guessed it, I have red hair. The sisters would always scold the other children for teasing me but deep down I know they agreed with them. They all thought I knew way too much for my age. Behind the large oak doors of the head priestess office I heard them discussing my future. "Please, mother, transfer her! She is too damn smart, too smart to be normal. She knows more than anyone I've ever met. She is eight years old and she could outrank the top ranking student in Oxford University!" One of the sisters so graciously said. "Sister, isn't this a good thing? A genius child could increase our statistics. Provide more sponsoring and scholarships? You know, increase government interest in our little orphanage," the head priestess calmly stated. "Its not just that, mother. She can read minds! She knows what I'm going to say before I say it. And she contradicts my teachings. She knows things beyond expert level. It's just not normal. And she constantly contradicts the teachings of God! She talks of death. On her own time all she does is follow unsolved criminal cases. And she'll determine the correct sus-" Blah blah blah. The head priestess did transfer me after hearing complaints from numerous teachers. But I never showed up at the new orphanage.

I fled to Tokyo to follow the Kira case. They were unable to trace me due to lack of a dossier and records. I was on my own for a while, just drifting from place to place. Until I located L, and his head quarters. He recognized my potential immediately. I suppose it was because I was able to find him. So now I work with him trying to uncover the mysteries behind Kira. Well, at least I did. He was killed today by Kira. Well since this is a journal, I'm going to be honest with my feelings and say I'm a bit distraught about it- his death, that is. He was like a big brother to me. He cared enough to not let anyone know about me. Not even Watari. But now that he's dead, I'm going to L headquarters. I always kind of objected to him making me stay away. I do not fear death. Maybe his could have been avoided if I was there. I always was a bit more aware of my surroundings… I'm going to miss him a lot.


	2. Chapter 2

Journal 2-

There were three others at L's headquarters claiming a similar story to mine. At least the L part. I expected as much. He spoke of them once before. Matt, Mello, and Near. Matt and Mello were about twenty. Near is my age, I think at least. I do not like Mello. He is kind of rude and very competitive. He lets the emotions get the best of him. My consensus of Matt however is he is laid back, funny type. He tends to lighten everything up a bit. Near is quiet. I wonder what he they think of me. I can tell Mello does not like me. He keeps on degrading me. Not that I care. He doesn't affect the way I think of myself. Do I think I'm better than him? I don't know. Not particularly. I think that I it will take all of us cooperating with each other to solve this case. I honestly do not care too much about their feelings toward me. I am fully aware of what I am capable of doing. Although, I do wish they had a bit more confidence in me.

I arrived quietly at the headquarters. They were all in the kitchen, I think, when I arrived. I just when into the investigation wing, and sat at the computer. Not to be cold or what not, I was unaware they had arrived (I only think they were in the kitchen because they all had food with them). It was quite funny actually. As they were about to place their food on the table, I turned around in my conference chair and greeted them. Matt and Mello jumped right out of their boxers. It was rather amusing. But my amusement would not last long. "My apologies. I did not mean to startle you." I said. "Who the hell is this chick? Hey! You! How did you get in here?!" Mello asked rather rudely. "I was given a code by L in case the worst happened. You must be his other successors? He told me about you." I explained. "What do you mean his successors?! And WHO ARE YOU?!" "Please, there is no need to be edgy. They call me Selene. And I mean, those from Wammy Orphanage he picked to succeed him. May inquire as to who you are? The information I acquired from L tells me you are Mello (pointing to the rude, obnoxious, leather clad blonde), you are Near (pointing to the quiet, almost albino boy who I assume is my age), and I must apologize but I am not familiar you. (pointing to the auburn haired guy) My suspicions and surveillance tells me you are… Matt? Am I correct?" I stated. "Why should we tell you?!" Mello chimed. "Cut it out Mello. Yes, you are correct. Sorry but how can we be sure you are not Kira or somehow related to him? I mean, how do you know L? Do you come from a different Wammy's? Technically, I am not one of L's successors, I am just a very close, trusted friend of these two, but we all knew L very well, and, darling, he's never said anything about you." Matt said. "I do not blame you for being weary. No, I do not come from a different Wammy's but-" "Oh fuck it! Listen girly, we don't give a damn. Ya not welcome here. Try to convince us all you want but L has never said a damn thing about you. He obviously didn't care much about you at all. Ha, pathetic how everyone wants to be like us, right Near?" Mello interrupted. "Ha ha, that's funny. L doesn't care about me… Hmmm. It's a wonder then, why I was given his will? Better yet, why am I listed first on his will to be among his successors? Now, I don't know who you think you are. But you do not overpower me. Now, I want to avenge L and capture Kira. You are going to cooperate with me and except that I am going to take part in this investigation whether you like it or not. If you do not except these terms the door is that way!" I said throwing the will onto the table, trying to be civil which was becoming increasingly difficult. "I will help in every way I can. Excuse me." I was walking taking my leave when: "Wait, this doesn't prove anything! You could have written it yourself!" Mello argued stubbornly. "If you have not noticed, there was a hidden button on the computer. Forensics will show that the only one who has touched that button is Watari. I noticed there was no information left in the mainframe, so I figured everything must have been deleted. Codes and all. But mine was accepted. I knew I problem of trust would come along, so I did some field work. With the use of fingerprint tape, I tested many different prints and all rejected access. If you still don't trust me, see for yourself." I retorted. "She can be trusted, Mello. I noticed this also. I took the fingerprint tape I used to pick up Watari's print and pushed it onto the scanner to test if the coding was all changed, and Watari's print was denied. But for all ours it was accepted. Including hers. To further test this theory I took random finger prints off of hand rails, and other public objects. All proved negative, including Matt's. Clearly, it was enhanced so only L's successors could get into this building without hacking. If she tried to hack, the alarm would have gone off. Watari built the security systems. Even the most skilled hackers could not break in entirely unnoticed. And with three geniuses on the premises, it is guaranteed that one of us would have noticed a break in. I don't know what we can expect from Selene, but it is not betrayal. I warned you against losing your head in all the excitement." Near explained, speaking for the first time. "Selene, we are grateful and will accept your assistance. Isn't that right, Mello, Matt?" Near continued. "Sure. You seem genius enough. And pleasantly witty. I always love to see people put Mello in his place. And too much testosterone is never a good thing. A slice of cutie pie such as yourself will do good for us boys. wink" Matt teased. I made a twisted face. "Whatever. I guess I have no choice in the matter. But you're probably just some useless whor-" Matt immediately covered Mello's mouth. "Just ignore him. He's just jealous a girl outsmarted him. You need to get settled? Near, show her to- uh- a room while I try to calm this one down." Matt snickered. I nodded to him and Near got up. "It's really not necessary. I'm sure I can find it on my own." I said trying to be courteous. "You probably can, but it might take you a few days." Near said. I smiled and followed him out."

Well that was the end of the first day. At least I managed to make a good impression. On Near and Matt, that is.


	3. Chapter 3

Journal 3-

Well, things are running smoothly with the Kira case. I'm almost 100 sure Light is Kira. I mean it is so obvious that he is Kira. The only problem is getting evidence. I feel a bit bad for the Japanese police. Near is so critical of their insufficiency. But honestly, I can't help but feel the same. I suppose we are just grieving L. He made that force seem incredible, ingenious even. And they disgrace him with this provincial investigation. They are nothing without him. If Light wasn't actually Kira, his only goal being to cover his tracks, they might have gotten somewhere. Near is incredible. He is like a young L. He's really sweet also. We talk a lot now. It wasn't like that at first. He was really quiet. I wouldn't really say shy, but more reserved. Inapproachable, kind of. Like me. I never talked to anyone. L was the first person I would ever actually casually speak to. But now I'm around people who are like me. People who have no past. People who are really messed up. People who have no one but each other. Its still not easy to talk to them. I try to avoid conversation as much as possible. Its almost impossible to avoid conversation with Matt. He always tries to make me laugh. He makes these idiotic faces behind Mello's back, or just constantly making fun of him or hitting him. I try not to laugh, really, I do. Buy its practically impossible. He is so funny. I think he's helping me open up a little. Now often, Near and I wind up talking. Neither of us are quite sure how. Both of us being so reserved and all. But it just happens. It started as a meek exchange of words. Like "Good morning. Would you like some," (talking about whatever he happens to be eating). Simple words and greeting as such. But then it evolved into exchanges of shy smiles and light conversations. Within the short period of time, found ourselves joking around with each other. He even asks me to play with his toys sometimes. Mello and Matt exchange weird glances whenever they see that. "Wow. They can actually talk? I mean like _talk_ talk?!" Matt would joke. I don't know why, but I feel oddly comfortable around the guys (Near especially). I'm not sure I like these feelings. How can I keep my mind clear if I have emotions clouding my judgment? I guess that's why I'm keeping a journal. Flooding my thoughts onto paper filters my thoughts. It clears my mind. I think it's better than suppressing them. Because at least if I ever lose my memory again, I can remember again.


	4. Chapter 4

Journal 4-

Conversations are becoming more of a personal as days go by. It's a bit strange actually. The other day Matt seemed to pop out of nowhere and ask what it was I was obsessed with. "What? I highly doubt that qualifies for aiding the Kira case." I said. "No it has nothing to do with the Kira case. It's just a little weird. I mean we all have our weird little obsessions. Near loves his toys, Mello loves chocolate. L loved sweets. I love lollipops and cigarettes. So what do you love, besides Near, that is." Matt interrogated. "Um. I'm not sure. I love animals. I suppose stuffed animals too. I always used to go in toy stores and just fantasize about having a room filled entirely with stuffed- Hey! I do not love Near. What would possibly give you that idea. It is impossible you are entirely incorrect!" I retorted. "Sure you don't. But continue. Stuffed animals." I glared at him and continued. "Well, I don't think just bears though. All different types. Like tigers, giraffes, dinosaurs, alligators, weird things. I think I would want a adorable little lion most. With a big head and big eyes, and a nice fluffy mane. But above all, I love nature. Which is probably why I love animals so much. I hate to see harm done to our natural environment. I've always hated the big cities. So much smog and technology, you can't even see the blue sky. When this case is closed, I intend to move to the country. Even if it means living under the stars. L would always scold me for going out. 'It's too dangerous out there.' He would say. But I would never listen. The crisp breeze of the fall air, the wind dancing through the trees. It all means too much to me." I finished. "Wow, that's some deep shit. I can see why he likes you so much." Matt said. "Excuse me? Who likes me?" I questioned. "No one…" Matt said trailing off a bit. "Okay, well, see you later then." And I turned my head and he just disappeared. That Matt is such a strange person. I don't know why I am telling him this. It is not important. No one is supposed to know me. But something is bothering me. I tried to suppress it. But it just keeps popping up in my mind. Do I love Near? Is that what the feeling I get when he looks at me or smiles is? Love… I loved L. But no, that was a different love, I think. No. No! I cannot. I can't love anyone. It's impossible. I just can't… Besides I need to concentrate on more important things. The Kira case specifically.


	5. Chapter 5

**Guys I am SOOOOOO sorry about that long wait. Its just that this story was flowing, and then i got to this chapter, and decided to take a little break in the middle of writing it, and i forgot what i was writing!!! I didn't want to continue until i got the idea down to the best of my abilities, which i still don't think i've accomplished. But I don't want you guys to wait much longer. I might have a bit of writers block for the next, so if anyone has ideas for the next chapter, they are welcome. Now i dont want any kissing yet, there is going to be no sex. They are kids and this is a love story, not a lust thing. I kind of want it to be a further look into the closeness they share, cuz i feel its a bit under developed. So again, ideas are welcome, along with critics and stuff. Sorry again!!**

Journal 5-

I had my first outburst today. I didn't mean it. But things just got a bit personal. I got uncomfortable, and Mello just decided to play at my show weakness. Matt decided to ask me about my past. "So, what's your sob story?" I gave him a questioning look and he continued. "You know, about your past. How you met L. All that good stuff." "That is none of your business." "Oh, come on! I thought we were past all that. I mean we've been working together for months," he argued. "I said I am not willing to share that information." I said, patience running short. "Guys, just leave her alone. Something bad probably happened and-" Near was interrupted by Mello, "Oh boo-fucking-hoo! What, mommy and daddy didn't want you and all the little kiddies at the orphanage picked on you? Stop feeling sorry for yourself! People have experienced harder things!" At this point I got up and jumped on him and started beating the shit out of the little bastard. "Don't you make it like you fucking know me!!! You know shit! You know _nothing_!" Matt pulled me off him trying to restrain me. I punched him in the face and stormed out of the room. I left the building actually. I just walked, tears streaming down my face. Before I knew it, I was deep in the courtyard, rocking back and forth on the swing. You can barely see the building. Who knew the courtyard was that big.

Okay a little explanation of the courtyard before I continue. Think of that little garden area in Kill Bill vol. 1 when she is fighting Oren Ishii combined with the secret garden. It's kind of like that except much, much bigger. And there is a swing on one of the trees. But to get to that part you have to go through one of those bush mazes. Okay back to the story.

"Hey…" came a soft voice. I looked up and it was Near. "Hi," I said. "You really shouldn't be out here, you might be seen" I continued. "Well, I have a friend in need. And it's pretty much impossible for anyone to see us so long as we remain on the premises of this building. You should know that." He replied. And I did know that. L had said up little chips that send out waves to block and kind of surveillance or transmissions from reaching the grounds. "Yeah," I said, looking back down at the floor. He went behind me and began to push me gently on the swing. "You know, Mello… he didn't really mean what he said. He just… he just doesn't like it when people seek pity, or try to make it seem like they have worse experiences." "If I was trying to seek pity, I would go around crying about it, and practically publishing my sob story. I have never said a single word about it, and just wish to keep it that way. So how am I trying to seek pity?" I argued. "I understand completely. But you know Mello. He's so quick tempered and can often misjudge things. We all have bad pasts, you know? Matt's mother was young. She was raped and got pregnant. She couldn't stand to see him. He was just an abomination. So when she had Matt, she just dumped him in the orphanage. Me, well I was too young to remember my parents too well, but they were murdered. We were supposed to go to the carnival that day, but I got sick, so they left me with the maid. And they never came home. Their car was reported totaled in an explosion near the river. Investigators believed their car was rigged. As for Mello, his parents killed each other. His father was abusive. Really abusive. He would beat his mother, and he would beat him. Every day, every night. His mother just couldn't take it anymore so she slipped poison in his beer one night. When he felt the poison coursing through his veins, he got his gun and shot her to death. He shot Mello also, but he died before he was able to kill him. I guess that's why he's so angry all the time." He explained.

"That's just the thing. You guys… you have a past. You have a family to love, or hate, or avenge. I have… nothing… nothing at all. No memories to share, or be pitied over. No name, no origin, no birthday, no childhood… Sometimes I feel like I do not even have a life. My past is just a dark hole. They found me floating down a river a few years ago. I had no recollection of my past. For years they searched for traces of who I was, but nothing came up. There were no records of my birth, and no signs of a family. I don't remember a thing. I was lost completely. I guess most people who have suffered a great deal would prefer to not remember. But I want to have someone I can hate, or maybe even love. I want mistakes to learn from. I want to know who I am.. I'm scared to get closer to people because I do not want to have to forget again. I do not want to forget and be left all alone… in the dark, falling into the depths of nothingness. I mean, in reality, all I have known is the feeling of nothing.. Nothing.."

The last word I said in a whispers, tears were streaming down my empty eyes. I can't possibly express in full the feelings that provoked me to lose control today. I guess no one can truly understand how I felt about my past. I do not need them to either. By now, Near was sitting on the swing as well staring intently into my eyes, and taking my pain into his. He gently took my face in his hands and wiped the tears slipping down my face, and said, "No matter what, I will never let you fall. Forget all your memories again and I will be there every day to remind you of the Selene I know. The Selene that is a step away from solving the hardest case in the world. The Selene that L loved. The Selene that I lov- care so much for." I started crying hysterically at this point.

Near quickly pulled me into his arms, holding me tight to try to stop the convulsions. He was stroking my hair, and I could have sworn I felt the wetness of a couple of tears. "Selene, you don't have to cry anymore. You are not alone. I promise you I will NEVER leave you. Even if it means to live forever, I will so long as you are there with me. I… love you." He said in a shaky voice. I could have sworn that at that moment all time froze, along with my heart. All I could hear was the beating of his heart. I still hear that soothing sound even as I sit here and write this. I couldn't bring myself to return the love in words, so when time resumed, and he loosened his hold on me, I looked into his eyes with as much love as they can hold. He seemed to get the message, as he smiled contently at me. I jumped into his arms (if that is the correct term since we were still sitting on the swing) and hugged him so close as if he was the last thing on earth. I think I fell asleep in his arms and he carried me back, since I woke up in my bed and the last thing I remember was being in his arms. I never knew I could ever feel such strong emotions for a person. Maybe there is something out there for me..

(FYI- when we were sitting on the wing, I was facing frontward and he was facing backward, our heads were turned toward each other, although most of the time mine was facing down. Not really important, I know. But I feel the need to include that)


End file.
